Hate it when you open the fridge and can’t find what you were looking for; like happiness and perfect abs.
That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you’re lying.
It appears I’m friends with at least 200 babies on Facebook.
Move your office desk into the elevator and ask people who get on if they have an appointment.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Don’t take it personally if I don’t like you. Some of my best friends are people I don’t like.
You can’t wish for change if you’re not prepared for something new.
I’m worried about my bed. It looks really lonely. I’d better give it a few extra hours of cuddling today.
One of the greatest fears on Facebook is accidentally using the status update as the search bar.
What’s red and goes “Oh, Oh, Oh!”? Santa walking backwards.
All I want for Christmas is you… to get hit by a reindeer.
Stop worrying about people and their opinions. If people don’t like you. It’s mind over matter, I mind & you don’t matter.
I’m such a dork, whenever I get on to a secured WiFi network. I feel like one of those hackers in the movies, and yell “We’re IN!”
They moved my favorite machine at the gym, and I’m pissed. Now I have to walk up two flights of stairs to get my Cheetos.
You’re the only one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don’t look at me weird for shouting “10 points for gryffindor” when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this.
Oh, you hate drama? Please continue to dramatically complain about it.
I could talk about myself for hours. But the second someone asks me to tell them a little bit about myself? I can’t even remember my name.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
I don’t know what I’d do without Facebook. Probably my work.
I am the type of person who laughs at mistakes, so pardon me if I laugh at your face
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use Facebook and they won’t bother you for Weeks
I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.